How To Treat A Genie

By G. David Schwartz

There are several ways to determine how to treat a genie. Most say it is to do so like a salesman. That is, with rudeness and sub-specialty. 

First, you must learn to recognize who and what is a genie, which is not as simple as it seems. They are not scepters you can recognize by their movement, deduce by their absence. No they are rely there.

You may bump into them and not even notice you did so. They are not quite human. But still they try on shoes. Don't you think genies need shoes?

You are allowed to hit the genie. On the head, or kick the genie in the knees. The trick is, of course, you need to locate the genie. Still, the genie has no human emotions, nor any non-human emotions. Druids do feel pain. They do not need politeness. Nor do they need napkins. They are extremely rude non-people.

You may bring them, genies, not the druids, into notice. They are not (quite) human. They do, however have (and wear) shoes. 

So, first you must learn how to recognize theses genies. This is not as simple as it may seem. They are not scepters so you cannot recognize their movements. They my or may not be obese. But they do not laugh at all. Nor do they cry. Most are republicans. Some have the name Miriam, and some the name Rudolph.
  
Some are large and some are small and some are in-between. Some have blue eyes and some have black. There was even one I did not see who had pink eyes. Since they are practical jokers I do not know if that ne was born with the odd eyes or he or she or it painted them.

I am not sure they really exist but I did see one once. I was not scare even though it woke me from a soundless sleep. 

Once I saw twenty of them on Halloween. They were fitted into all sizes  and most known shapes. I was not afraid of them then because they were stuffing their faces (actually just their mouths) with delicious candy.

 I love candy. I love America, I love my grandfather. And I love my wife and children. 

When they get back from Mars I am going to take them out for lunch.


G. David Schwartz  is the former president of Seedhouse, the online interfaith committee. He is the author of A Jewish Appraisal of Dialogue. Currently a volunteer at Drake Hospital in Cincinnati, Schwartz continues to write. His new book, Midrash and Working Out Of The Book is now in stores or can be ordered on-line at Amazon.